Medical Gaslighting: When They Don't Believe Your Pain
- Jan 23
- 3 min read
You've just given birth, or you're deep into postpartum recovery. Something feels wrong. It's more than discomfort; it's a searing pain, an unsettling sensation, or a persistent symptom that just won't go away. You go to the doctor, explain what you're feeling, and you hear words like:
"That's normal for new mothers."
"Are you sure you're not just stressed?"
"It's probably just anxiety."
"Give it time; it will resolve itself."
"The tests look fine; there's nothing wrong."
This, often subtle, yet deeply damaging experience, is called medical gaslighting. It's when a healthcare professional dismisses, minimizes, or denies your symptoms, making you question your own reality and eroding your trust in your body and the medical system.
Why Medical Gaslighting Disproportionately Harms Women of Color
While medical gaslighting can happen to anyone, it is a harsher reality for women of color due to systemic biases:
Historical Mistrust: A long history of medical experimentation without consent and unequal treatment has fostered a deep, justified mistrust of the medical system.
Implicit Bias: Studies show that healthcare providers sometimes perceive women of color as having a higher pain tolerance or being less credible when reporting symptoms.
Stereotypes: Harmful stereotypes can lead providers to misinterpret legitimate health concerns as drug-seeking behavior, hypochondria, or simply "complaining."
Language Barriers: Even subtle differences in communication style can lead to misunderstandings and dismissals.
The consequence? Real, treatable conditions go undiagnosed, pain goes unmanaged, and mothers are left feeling unseen, unheard, and often sicker.
How to Advocate for Yourself in a System That Doesn't Always Listen
It's exhausting to fight for care when you're already recovering from childbirth, but your health is paramount. Here’s how to regain your power:
Trust Your Gut: You know your body best. If something feels off, it probably is. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Come Prepared: Write down your symptoms, when they started, what makes them better or worse, and how they impact your daily life. The more specific, the better.
Be Assertive (Not Aggressive): Use phrases like:
"I understand what you're saying, but I still feel like something is wrong."
"What are the other possibilities we haven't explored?"
"I need a clear explanation of what this diagnosis means for me."
"If you're unable to help, who can you refer me to that specializes in this?"
Demand Further Investigation: If you're dismissed, ask for specific tests or a referral to a specialist. "What is your plan to investigate this further?"
Bring an Advocate: This is where a doula or trusted friend/family member becomes a non-negotiable part of your care team.
Why a Doula (Like Those at HBC) is Your Safety Requirement, Not a Luxury
Imagine walking into an appointment, exhausted and vulnerable, but not alone. An advocate by your side can:
Validate Your Experience: They can confirm what you're saying and stand firm with you.
Ask the Right Questions: When you're overwhelmed, they can step in to ask the critical questions you might forget.
Document Everything: They can take notes, record discussions (with consent), and help you remember instructions.
Demand Respect: Their presence signals to providers that you are not alone and your concerns must be taken seriously. They are your shield against gaslighting.
At Houston Birthing Connection (HBC), we believe every mother deserves to be believed, respected, and expertly cared for. Our doulas are not just birth companions; they are trained advocates who understand the systemic challenges mothers face. They are there to ensure your voice is heard, your pain is acknowledged, and you receive the quality care you deserve, both during pregnancy and throughout your postpartum journey.
You are not "just stressed." Your pain is real. Your experiences matter. Let HBC help you find your voice and get the care you need.
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